the one when I just needed 48 hours in the wood with no service.
I won't lie.. im not sure ill direct people towards this new little section of the website.. my hopes is if its for someone.. they will find it.
like I need one more spot to share my heart...
This year has been extremely trying as a small business owner. it is so easy to post all the good stuff but really, its hard.
Social media is not like it was, sales are not like they were, frankly living is not like it was.
The only "good" thing that came from the 2020-2022 years was the influx of shoppers online. we were still able to afford "life" and it was easier...now not so much.
with that small businesses are struggling. mine included. we once had a team of 9 not including myself working for Wander and Arrow.. and in the recent year and last couple of months we have downsized to 3... it has caused so much guilt on my end. night sweats and tears and panic attacks... I once was able to take some much pride in the fact that we could employ so many friends -- now the immense guilt that I have had to have tough conversations with my friends, is somedays downright too much to handle.
I have been blessed in the sense that with each one of those hard conversation has come great clarity of which I need to continue to do to move forward. each of the ladies who has made such an impression on my business and journey gave me so much grace.
so much more than I can offer myself at times.
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I had my first panic attack work related in march.. I have since really tried to listen to my mind and body. somedays are better than others. but recently it has felt like all I do is claw my way into a "forced good mood"
until last week, I finally had a good day. I cant tell you what I did before then or why -- maybe the 82 prayers I send up a day... but I just refuse to sit quietly and suffer.
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we went camping the last couple of days -- it was so nice to not be connected all the time. its more pressure than I thought being the sole income earner in our home. while I feel so blessed to give my children the coolest days with mom and dad at home I haven't been juggling any parts of my life well and it has caused burnout.
I took the 3 days in the woods to attempt to unwind (I needed like one more day truthfully) but I am thankful for what we got!
I read a book, took a nap (finally let myself out of fight or flight mode) and truly thought about what I wanted for my life and business on the daily.
and what I want is time Freedom - I want to create a place of belonging and connection. I want to inspire and make others laugh and maybe believe in themselves a little bit more.
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things will start to be a little different around here while I attempt to change directions of the hustle I have instilled in myself the last 10 years...I keep saying "im 36, I am who I am at this point..."
but really am I?
just thank you for being here.
love you, mean it.
Lacey